Frosty, 2 others dead in botched robbery attempt

 

BOSTON — Frosty the Snowman and two others died as the trio attempted to rob a local liquor store Monday night, Boston Police Department officials confirmed this morning.

Obituaries: May 14

“Car guy” Kurt Friendly, 41

Kurt Friendly, 41, of East Lansing, Mich., died Monday in Tamarisk. A self-described “car guy,” Friendly frequently sought refuge from the harsh realities of life in the backseats of unattended automobiles, a practice he continued until his death, which occurred in the backseat of a 1978 Pontiac LeMans the former General Motors executive often referred to as his “home office, lavatory and clandestine love shack all rolled into one.”

Obituaries: January 29

Perpetually aroused roofer Angus Pennyfeather, 41

Angus Pennyfeather, 41, of Poughkeepsie, NY, died Wednesday in LaGrange. A roofer since earning his general equivalency diploma in 1994, Pennyfeather fell to his death when he lost his balance as he was overcome with pain from an erection that coworkers report he had maintained for at least three hours. Voted “Most Likely to Fall Off a Roof Due to Priapism” in his junior high school yearbook, Pennyfeather reportedly knew it was only a matter of time before his unpleasant affliction interfered with his love of shingle-work.

Former Santa reindeer Blitzen succumbs to hepatitis C

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NORTH POLE — Blitzen Johnson, a one-time member of the elite and highly exclusive team of flying reindeer employed by Santa Claus to facilitate the delivery of presents to children across the globe, passed away from complications of the hepatitis C virus on Monday. Johnson was 191 years old.

Obituaries: November 9

Secretive saucier Mohamed Tayeh, 47

Mohamed Tayeh, 47, of Whitestone, NY, died Wednesday in Manhattan. The owner of the popular midtown food cart, “Halal Ya Doin’?”, collapsed during the lunchtime rush hour outside the famed Chrysler Building at the intersection of 42nd Street and Lexington Avenue, where his cart had been located since 1996. The Egyptian immigrant, whose sudden and untimely death did not interrupt the busy food truck’s most hectic time of day, had long ceased relying on blood to carry oxygen to and carbon dioxide from the tissues in his body, instead depending on a mysterious, white mayonnaise-like condiment that circulated through his arteries and veins.

Obituaries: August 26

Sock specialist Carl Lankford, Jr., 62

Carl Lankford, Jr., 62, of Canton, OH, died Wednesday in his home. The self-appointed “Tube Sock King Of Canton,” Lankford was a lifelong “Hall of Fame City” resident who developed a love of lengthy socks shortly after witnessing his mother, Rhea, engaging in clandestine sexual intercourse with the Lankford family landscaper when the younger Lankford was just a toddler. According to his self-published autobiography, “Life Socks: The Carl Lankford, Jr. Story,” the landscaper was wearing only tube socks during the lively lovemaking session.

Obituaries: May 28

Armchair linguist Verne Blevins, 71

Vernon “Verne” Blevins, 71, lifelong resident of Martinsville, Va., died Tuesday at his home. He graduated from Martinsville High School, where friends say he first began to cultivate the xenophobia that would dominate much of the rest of his life.