By Alex Rodriguez
Whew! What a whirlwind the last two weeks have been! Hard to believe I’ve already been retired for seven steroid-free days, but it’s true!
BRISTOL, Conn. — With the annual frenzy surrounding the National Basketball Association free agency period set to begin in earnest this Friday, ESPN NBA insider Chris Broussard on Wednesday reported his sources have confirmed that some of his sources just took a shit.
CLEVELAND — Fresh on the heels of witnessing their hometown Cleveland Cavaliers bring the city its first professional sports championship since 1964, Cleveland natives have officially begun waiting for the city’s next championship team, which is expected to arrive in northeastern Ohio no earlier than 2068.
From time to time, In Poor Taste looks back on forgotten slices of Americana. In this installment, we recall Dead-ball Era pitching great Malachi “Four Testicles” O’Bannion, a once-great pitcher for the St. Louis Browns and Pittsburgh Pirates who was born with four testicles, including one that hung from his left ear.
The history of baseball is rife with legendary players, colorful characters and a handful of groundbreaking figures who affected social change that still resonates today. But few figures from America’s pastime have proven as unique as Malachi “Four Testicles” O’Bannion, the first and thus far only player in baseball history to play with four testicles.
CHICAGO — Longtime NFL Draft analyst Mel Kiper, Jr. described his erection as “throbbing” and “painful” just hours before the draft was scheduled to begin inside the Auditorium Theatre.
LOS ANGELES — Retired basketball star Kobe Bryant made the most of the last enjoyable day of his life, poring in a season-high 60 points in the final game of his professional basketball career.
HOUSTON — In the immediate aftermath of Villanova’s thrilling, buzzer-beating national championship win over North Carolina on Monday, CBS Sports cameras caught broadcaster Jim Nantz removing his necktie and handing it to bewildered Wildcats guard Ryan Arcidiacono, who moments earlier had been named Most Outstanding Player of the 2016 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament. The 56-year-old Nantz later explained he annually gives the necktie he wears during the championship broadcast to the player who most inspires him during the game.
Intrigued by Nantz’s self-important gesture, In Poor Taste asked a handful of highly regarded college basketball broadcasters if they had ever gifted a player after a memorable performance. Somewhat surprisingly, many acknowledged they had. Continue reading
PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. — Ageless New York Mets pitcher Bartolo Colon on Wednesday acknowledged he carries two servings of “emergency mofongo” in his uniform pants on game days, just in case he finds himself powerless to resist the near-constant temptation to indulge in the the Afro-Puerto Rican dish of fried, mashed plantains.
ZURICH — Newly elected FIFA® President Gianni Infantino promised widespread reform on Wednesday, insisting his organization would exercise discretion when accepting bribes from corrupt government officials, shady contractors and anyone else interested in currying favor with officials of international soccer’s ethically bankrupt governing body.
DENVER — Fresh off winning his second Super Bowl title earlier this week, Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning is being pressured by his family to continue his playing career, despite a slew of injuries that will almost certainly make every waking moment of the rest of his life utterly miserable.
In Poor Taste 