VICKSBURG, Miss. — In a string of pitiable comments directed to no one in particular, retired “Airwolf” star Jan-Michael Vincent acknowledged on Wednesday he hopes to one day be included in the annual “In Memoriam” montage featured during the television broadcast of the Academy Awards.
“I hope the Academy thinks enough of my life’s work to briefly memorialize me before quickly moving on to a headshot of the next largely anonymous and recently deceased filmmaker,” Vincent said as he poured sugar into a small paper coffee cup at a roadside truck stop on the outskirts of Vicksburg. “I’d give anything to be included in that montage, even my 1972 Golden Globe Best Supporting Actor nomination.”
When reached for comment, a spokesman for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, which hosts the awards and ultimately determines who is included in the often touching montage, appeared to be unfamiliar with Vincent, whose silver screen credits include the 1995 film, “Abducted II: The Reunion,” and 2002’s “White Boy,” his last onscreen appearance.
“She was an actress in the 1970s, you say?” asked AMPAS spokesman Josh Millstein. “Oh! Jan is a man’s name in this instance. Boy, you don’t see too many men named ‘Jan’ any more, do you? That name has kind of fallen by the wayside, hasn’t it? I guess because blockheads like me always assume it’s a woman’s name. I’m sorry, I’ve gone off on a tangent and forgotten what we were talking about.”
Millstein’s forgetfulness does not appear to bode well for Vincent, who spent much of Wednesday evening insisting to attendants at his local filling station that he is deserving of inclusion in the Tinseltown tribute.
“I was pretty good in ‘Hooper,’ and not everyone can say that,” said Vincent, whose role as “Trapper” in the 2000 film “Escape to Grizzly Mountain” garnered no critical acclaim or attention. “Show me a fella who can hold his own with Brian Keith and I’ll show you a guy who’s deserving of inclusion in that montage.”
While Vincent’s almost-certain-to-go-unreported death must occur before any genuine debate regarding his inclusion in the Oscar® memoriam can take place, at press time the actor had nearly convinced local bus boy Ricardo Rodriquez, a slow-witted illegal alien who neither speaks nor understands the English language, of his worthiness to be included in the fleeting, quickly forgotten tribute to Hollywood’s recently deceased.