Opening Day is upon us, which means it’s time for the 2015 In Poor Taste Major League Baseball Preview. Last year the crack staff at In Poor Taste managed to go for 0-for-10 on postseason predictions, a staggeringly poor performance staff members later blamed on the leftist agenda at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. So what does the future hold for your favorite team this year? Throughout this week the staff at In Poor Taste has broken down a new division each day, culminating with today’s predictions for the American League West.
American League West (in predicted order of finish)
This isn’t your grandfather’s American League West. And that’s because your grandfather was killed by an especially talented Japanese marksman in the Battle of Okinawa long before the American League West was established.
• Seattle Mariners — The Mariners surprised many with an 87-win campaign in 2015. Equally as surprising was the revelation that manager Lloyd McClendon would just as soon spend a lazy summer evening on a picturesque beach with a perfectly aged Cabernet-Merlot blend and a worn down copy of The Poems of Emily Dickinson as he would managing a professional baseball game at SafeCo Field.
• Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim — The Halos might have gone to the wingding with a butter and egg fly in 2014, but there’s no John Barleycorn left for these Joe Brooks to Micky Finn en route to the struggle buggy this year.
• Oakland A’s — Ingenious A’s general manager Billy Beane was at it again this winter, and by “at it again” we mean building a team that will suffer another predictable postseason collapse should it earn a playoff berth.
• Houston Astros — All-Star second baseman José Altuve figures to endure another season in which he’s routinely referred to as “a gritty sparkplug” or “a hustler full of spunk” as writers and broadcasters fall in love with this pint-sized dynamo all over again.
• Texas Rangers — The Rangers will quite possibly be the worst team in baseball, a sport Americans will abandon in droves when National Football League training camps open in late July.