Opening Day is right around the corner, which means it’s time for the 2015 In Poor Taste Major League Baseball Preview. Last year the crack staff at In Poor Taste managed to go for 0-for-10 on postseason predictions, a staggeringly poor performance staff members later insisted meant very little in a world dealing with the near-constant threat of nuclear warfare. So what does the future hold for your favorite team this year? Check back throughout this week as we break down a new division each day, continuing with today’s predictions for the American League Central.
American League Central (in predicted order of finish)
After an active winter, the White Sox appear poised to pull off the always-magical “penultimate to first” leap, a feat so rare it hasn’t been accomplished in almost 30 months.
• Chicago White Sox — Additions like Jeff Samardzija and Melky Cabrera are nice pickups that very well may spark the South Siders’ return to the glory days of the Ron Karkovice Era.
• Cleveland Indians – The potent duo of Michael Bourn and Nick Swisher figures to go a long way toward helping Tribe fans forget about the near-certain and heartbreaking failure that will be the 2015 Cleveland Cavaliers’ playoff run.
• Detroit Tigers — Looming injuries to sluggers Miguel Cabrera and Victor Martinez will hurt, but not nearly as much as the crippling priapism that has plagued Tigers skipper Brad Ausmus since late-December.
• Kansas City Royals — Blind squirrels sometimes find nuts before immediately falling back into familiar patterns marked by lengthy stretches of sightless starvation and utter despair.
• Minnesota Twins — Like many baseball fans in America and across the globe, supporters of the moribund Minnesota franchise will struggle to recognize or remember any of the Twins’ players, assuming the organization had a large enough turnout at open tryouts this winter to field a team come Opening Day.